Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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