the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
