my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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