Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
