he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize