What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just want to make out with him forever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
