I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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