Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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