Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
