Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
