I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
