he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
a search helicopter?!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize