I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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