I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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