I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
That was an excessively violent trivia night
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
