Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
The air taste purple.
Randomize