somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
