five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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