We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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