Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
