I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
