Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
