After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
