Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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