Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize