It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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