now i know why i became what i already was.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
