I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
