If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
