in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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