For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
PANTIES FOUND
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