Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
