My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize