I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
