i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
