I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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