By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
