no, he came in my armpit
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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