I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
