a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
