Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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