either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
