today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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