I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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