I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
