Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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