so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
