i already hear my dad disowning me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
