he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
