i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
