I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize