You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
