her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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