Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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