Even the bartender felt bad for me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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