Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Terrible idea I love it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize