I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
