so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
