Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
