All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize