I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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