when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize