I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
