I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize