Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
