I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
